hey! sorry took so long to respond. fuck, superbusy, like usual.

have you noticed there's like cycles--sometimes i'll get like 20 email responses in one day, and everybody responds right away, and the whole world loves me and wants to talk to me... but then other times, a week will go by and nobody writes. like everybody's on some similar rhythm or something. & I get all paranoid of course. everybody hates me, I must ahve pissed her off, he thinks i'm an idiot, etc.... because of course, I'm the center of the universe, right?

but then i think---wait, have i been responding to people? & a lot of times i realize i haven't either. but sometimes i have, and it sucks because I'm sending out emails and stuff and nobody responds. more paranoia etc. time for new medication.

this one guy i know, totally cool & brilliant--he'll send a big giant in-depth analysis of some idea or book or whatever, and then i'll resopnd to it, and then a huge amount of time will go by and then i'll get some other big in-depth analysis of something else from him, but it's some completely different topic, no response to my response at all, and it's like we're having this diagonal (non)conversation. like, PERSON A: "Here's what I think re: topic 1"; PERSON B: "Here's what I think re: what you thought of topic 1, and here's what I think re: topic 2"; PERSON A: "Here's what I think re: topic 74 (no mention of topic 1 response OR new topic 2)" and so on.

>>derneath in big letters is "9/11" like it's some kind of movie or something. my friend's all, like, is she gonna kill me, or fuck me? or just stare me down till my brain turns to red white and blue jelly. jesus.

yeah i saw that, oh my god. the pouty lips. AK47 cocked across her breasts. you know if you stand at a certain angle, there's this weird shadowy hooded figure up above by the eagle where it says "LET FREEDOM RING." My friend says it's a freemason. I think it's the illuminati. or darth vader maybe. was darth vader a knights templar? wait a second.... it's all starting to make sense now...

Oh my god Yoda was the thirteenth disciple! :-0

have you ever noticed how conspiracy theories will get all totally complex and convoluted, all these interwoven connections and secret societies etc.etc., jumping all over in time thousands of years etc., but then in the end, it's always some totally simple, like, ridiculously simple answer, like, "And so, therefore, it's obvious it's all the Zionist Jews who are behind EVERYTHING in history," or some such bullshit. kind of funny, if it wasn't so dangerous.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE.

yeah...how convenient.

>>ut then she's all "I don't have time to feel this shit. I'm too busy just tryin gto survive. I come from the streets bla bla bla." She's got one of those headset things for her cell phone and she wears it all the fucking time, I swear. she ev

hey i heard they program those things now so they emit soothing signals into your ear that are designed to make you feel less stressed, more refreshed, while you're talking on the phone. like a breath mint for the other person invading your brain. something about the wavelength patterns. seratonin. everything is seratonin now. is that how you spell it? hold on let me check dictionary.

okay i'm' back......that's not how you spell it but I'm not gonna tell you the right way, you have to find out for yourself. everything is ser_tonin, baby.

and vowels. ser_tonin & vowels. a? e? I? O? u?

Soothing Cell Phones. (that's the Illuminati too, you know.)

>>just this, you know, like, absolutist position. like, okay maybe now they're all lovey about it, like they found god and shit, and they're supposedly all open and loving, and that;s cool, whatever, but really, when you listen to them, you see right away it's just another way to be self-righteous and look down on everybody else. it's like, that's the only way they know how to be, this one-note program, but they just find different ways to act it out according to the surrounding situation. ultimately it all still comes down to this fucked up elitist bullshit of, "we know what's right. We know what's good and what's bad. We have a direct line to the absolute truth about Good and Evil. We haven't read a fucking book in our lives but hey, we've lived and experienced more than you so we know what's UP. Everything is fucked up in the world because of bad morals, nobody else knows morals and morality anymore like we do, we figured it all out." except now, they say it with this sort of like sympathizing condescending pity for everybody else who doesn't know "the truth," where before they would just flat out shit on everybody else in this judgmental, condemning way. even when they tel

actually, i think they still shit on people the same way, you just have to catch them off their guard. get them worked up about something, about someone, some easy scapegoat target... yeah sure there's this new facade of compassion or whatever, and the ever-present martyr-ness, but once in a while, the Meany McMeaniness just sort of bubbles up and pops out before they can stop it--

--I'm just not sure that lifestyle is...I don't know...I... POP! I HATE THEM KILL EM ALL!!!!

--there's plenty of jobs for everybody, I think...people just don't want to work...some people LIKE to live like that...I...uh... poP! JUST LET THE MOTHERFUCKERS STARVE BLECHHHHHH!!!!!

it's all that same old authoritarian hierarchical bullshit construct of the world like you were saying before. that's the world to them, they can't see it any other way. they'd go nuts without somebody sitting above them quashing their freedom. they identify with the elite, even if they're not really the elite, so of course they see it that way. That's their program. saved by jesus or not, reborn or not reborn, they're still the middle class bougie through and through, they're the Great Buffer, that's what they were traind to do. that's their function for chrissake. and eveyrthing in how they see things will shape itself around that. and to challenge that is to make them see the possibility of their whole world just crumbling to pieces, and that's some scary shit for anybody to take.

it's so crazy to me how a person's politics will shape themselves around whatever agenda the person supports/identifies with. yeah i know not a deep observation, but it still trips me out. like, you can totally agree with a person on a bunch of political ideas, but then suddenly, you hit this very sharp, weird fork in the road where your views diverge, and at first you think, given all the stuff we agree on, how can we suddenly disagree so sharply on this? but then if you dig deeper and look at what agenda they're supporting, it makes sense. you know? like, what they believe helps keep the rich people in power, and what you believe challenges that structure, so of COURSE you disagree on the seemingly unrelated topic of whether some big corporation should go build a dam in a tiny Third World country nobody here ever heard of. i don't know.

>>t both of them came over, right? so I was like, okay, whatever, that's cool. but of course Liz was all drama the second she walked in the door, issues the whole time. like this big black hole of self-absorption. Fuck. It's always the same shit with her. totally stuck inside her own head, and sucking everybody else into her brain with her. Why can't she just chill and have fun and hang out and relax? It's like this pressure, all these expectations, this like, hyper-vigilance--"What? What's wrong?" and you're all, "Nothing..." but of course, now that she asked the question, something is wrong. and there's drama. and issues. everybody gets all quiet. it's like this back and forth "What's wrong with you?" "Nothing. What's wrong wiht YOU?" "NOthing...what's wrong w/YOU?" "NOTH..." until there IS something wrong and then there's a fight, and really all you want to do is just hang out with her and enjoy her compnay, have a good time, whatever... and then of cour

dude, I know. but she has issues. she needs therapy, that's all there is to it. She's Big Ball O' Anger. it sucks cuz I've been there, I know how it is to live in that little drama world. and i'm not all the way out either. like, you're just totaly stuck in there. everything feels helpless and beyond your control. like, you even feel yourself making it happen and you can't stop it, the gravitational force is just too strong. you're not sucking everybody else in with you--it's sucking you ALL into it. you have to be patient, but it's hard.

hey btw did you listen to One Note Samba song I told you last week?

>>meeting he was all "well I've participated in lots of political actions and demonstrations and so, you know, there's just...a lot of subtleties that i was trying to capture, and it was just kind of frustrating to see the story changed...I mean...um...I..." in this like artiste snippy kind of way. Whatever. it's not a fucking painting, it's just a little write-up on what happened, picasso. and you don't need to put down my (in)experience and inability to capture subtleties etc. just cuz your precious artist ego has been bruised. fucker.

yeah...i've been thinking about that, how artists are activists etc. there's so much ego involved in creating art, and the art culture seems to just promote and encourage that shit, and all that elitist crap...so when an artist gets involved in collective group efforts, seems like there's potential for conflict there or something, esp a collective like that where everything is supposed to be a big collective group effort, totally democratic & equal.

you know--if we couldn't bitch about other people, i wonder how we would bond. You think language was invented so people could gossip about each other? there must be some clever quote about that already--like something Oscar Wilde would say or something. And where does writing fit into that? A way to transmit gossip to future generations? I bet the first cave drawings were not of the artist hunting a buffalo--they were of some dork hunting a buffalo and scaring it off cuz he was too loud. "Man, he's a nice guy and all, but I swear, every time we take that dude Oog along, he always scares off the game...I'm getting sick of it, fuck..." ..... "Yeah I know...maybe we shouldn't invite him to the potlatch..."

I was thinking yesterday about how much we bitch about other people, esp now on email, and like, you know, when you're just in a room talking and bonding over gossip, it stays there--even if you tell somebody later on what somebody else said, it's not the same, the whole context changes because you're relaying information verbally, and unless there's a video or audio record, it enters this realm of pure temporary language, right? language that isn't set. it shifts and morphs and changes, takes on new shapes and textures in other people's brains based on your intonation and body language, etc.

but with email, what if other people saw this shit? does that change how you bitch about other people? does it change how you bond with other people? or not bond? does it change the nature of gossip? the function? etc. or like, what if YOU got somebody else's bitch session email by accident ...would it be interesting, or does it have to somehow INVOLVE you in order to have some interest FOR you? I think if i got somebody else's email by mistake, I personally would read it...but that's just me, I like to eavesdrop on other people's stories. that's my job. on the bus, at the store, whatever...I always listen in.

i don't know...just noodling. brain working too fast. got to fill in all the gaps between thoughts, right?

oh hey btw I saw that commercial you were telling me about, with the guy's brain plugged in, inside the brain. Singular ... singularity ... free singular will ...whatever it was, i forget. anyway, way cool. that will be really cool when they can plug directly into your brain like that. i wonder if you could like walk around and see the real world, but also see the plugged in world too at the same time inside your head. like superimposed. maybe combine them into one image. and text too. and ads for stuff. you could be looking at something and reading a book at the same time and shopping for shoes. you could make the world look however you wanted. funky colors. make everybody beautiful and perfect. filter out all the smog in the sky. and a steady stream of whatever music or sounds you want meshed into the sounds of the natural world around you. block out sounds of traffic and factories and shit. put in birds chirping. etc. that reminds me of lucid dreaming.

all right, it's late. I go mimi now. tell your brother I said hey. we should definitely hang out sometime, I'm just so freakin busy these days. keep on movin don't stop. you know if we didn't have email I probly wouldn't have time to talk to any body anymore. later.