you can take it off when you learn to
Let’s see, today I think I’ll be…condescending.
No wait, how about patronizing?
Ah, whatever. I think I’ll just grab an espresso and pretend that you don’t exist.
I find that intimate dismissiveness is usually the best policy anyway. You get the maximum impact with the least amount of force. Plus, I get to enjoy my caffeine in peace.
Here, join me. You want a single, or a double? BFF!
At first I was all fired up to formulate some kind of response. But in the end, I guess all the various efforts by others at channeling the energy this way, and that way, and the other way, y no se qué, güey, coupled with my own apparently scatterbrained dullness, resulted in the silencing, polarization, and neutralization that had been intended all along.
Focus! Focus!
Fuck it.
Eventually, I was consumed by the impulse to just wash my hands of the whole thing. It’s not that I minded the blood on them—I mean, I’m sorry if it bothers you so much, but I can’t help what I am. And while I will admit that I am a germ freak, this wasn’t about bacteria or viruses. In fact, to be honest, I actually found that the sterility of the whole thing was one of the biggest problems.
I remember the last time I gave up, I was all, “Fuck this, I’m going to be a baker or something!” It was a very similar scenario, actually, now that I think about it. That particular pseudosuicide pact resulted in me sitting at a desk in Tokyo City Hall signing my name to a piece of paper that I couldn’t read. Only a few months later, I was packing all my clothes and shit in the back of my car and hiding out at various friends’ places around LA. Eventually, I was wandering the streets halfway between dead and alive, because I hadn’t been able to commit fully either way.
It’s a long story, but anyway, the point is, I’m not really clear on what is accomplished by all of this, that isn’t by all of that. I guess I’m not really clear on anything. I guess what I really need is a ruler across the pink backs of my hands and a white dunce cap on my head painted with the word ARTIST.
No wait, how about patronizing?
Ah, whatever. I think I’ll just grab an espresso and pretend that you don’t exist.
I find that intimate dismissiveness is usually the best policy anyway. You get the maximum impact with the least amount of force. Plus, I get to enjoy my caffeine in peace.
Here, join me. You want a single, or a double? BFF!
At first I was all fired up to formulate some kind of response. But in the end, I guess all the various efforts by others at channeling the energy this way, and that way, and the other way, y no se qué, güey, coupled with my own apparently scatterbrained dullness, resulted in the silencing, polarization, and neutralization that had been intended all along.
Focus! Focus!
Fuck it.
Eventually, I was consumed by the impulse to just wash my hands of the whole thing. It’s not that I minded the blood on them—I mean, I’m sorry if it bothers you so much, but I can’t help what I am. And while I will admit that I am a germ freak, this wasn’t about bacteria or viruses. In fact, to be honest, I actually found that the sterility of the whole thing was one of the biggest problems.
I remember the last time I gave up, I was all, “Fuck this, I’m going to be a baker or something!” It was a very similar scenario, actually, now that I think about it. That particular pseudosuicide pact resulted in me sitting at a desk in Tokyo City Hall signing my name to a piece of paper that I couldn’t read. Only a few months later, I was packing all my clothes and shit in the back of my car and hiding out at various friends’ places around LA. Eventually, I was wandering the streets halfway between dead and alive, because I hadn’t been able to commit fully either way.
It’s a long story, but anyway, the point is, I’m not really clear on what is accomplished by all of this, that isn’t by all of that. I guess I’m not really clear on anything. I guess what I really need is a ruler across the pink backs of my hands and a white dunce cap on my head painted with the word ARTIST.
posted by kualyque at 11:32
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